ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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