I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
