I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize