WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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