I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize