U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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