I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
