If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
