So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
