You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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