I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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