Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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