Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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