yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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