i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
