sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
