so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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