Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
