My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
