i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
