I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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