So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
