they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
