Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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