One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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