You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
