he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
