how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize