I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
