My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
