First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize