After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
