just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
