I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
