As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
