Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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