Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
