have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
