the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
