I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
