We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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