the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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