I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize