I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
