tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
