So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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