i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
