And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
