You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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