When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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