I faked an abortion last night.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
