I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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