i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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