I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
