let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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