dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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