I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize