I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I touched a dick in church today
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
