Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
