I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
