discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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