finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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