saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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