end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
