WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
