I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
