Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
