P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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