thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
