How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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