do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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