Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
