He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
