im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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