i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
