I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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