I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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