So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
my liver is dry heaving
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
