so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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