I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
