I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
