I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
