if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
