Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize