What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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