There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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