Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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