So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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