I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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