Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
