I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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