I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
