I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize