My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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