Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
