well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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