3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
