I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
